Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life. It is to relinquish inner resistance to what is. Eckhart Tolle
The energy of surrender, perfectly follows on from my enquiry of nurturing.
I have wanted to consciously surrender to the Universe for some time now and this hasn’t been an easy or quick process for me (which is annoying to the part of me that is controlling and impatient)
I smile as I reflect back, remembering how I tried to force surrender, which is like trying to push water up hill. I would make statements that proclaim surrender but I would never let go.
I tried to make pacts and deals with it for fear that if I committed to surrender, the Universe would make me experience terrible things. I believed if I let go of holding everything together, all the unwanted would rush into my life like water through a broken dam. I forgot that love is the driving force of the Universe. Instead, thoughts of surrender would recall the horrors and fears of a time when the energy field of my vulnerable soul, who, at one time had no choice but to surrender to everything, felt the great pain of my care takers and all those that had come before me. In order to survive and cope with the contractive energy, Divine intelligence took over and shielded my essence from damage until such time I was able to keep myself safe enough to dare to open once again. This time, into a loving expansive energy that felt like home.
I feel I have been softly taken by the hand and gently spoon fed bit by bit so as not to overwhelm me with the exquisite delight contained in the art of surrender.
Many years ago I received treatment from a McTimmony Chiropractor who also specialised in Zero balancing. He would hold my head, make some gentle adjustments and quietly say to me “it’s safe to let go, you can trust me.” Something deep inside wanted to let go there and then. A part of me longed to believe this man and to let go of the solid ball of fear I had been carrying around for what felt like forever. But a much louder energy pushed through almost immediately that was so powerful it caused me to sit bolt upright and say “How the fuck do you know? And no I can’t trust you, I don’t even know you, so please stop saying that to me!” That was over 13 years ago and so yes this has not been a quick and easy process for me. But one thing I have in abundance is tenacity and paradoxically the controlling side of me gives me the power and determination to never give up on the gift of surrender.
The other week I shared with my beautiful therapist my desire to let go and flow with the rhythm of life, I wanted to allow experiences to flow in and out without too much resistance, to be able to accept whatever presents itself in the great moment of NOW. She smiled to me a warm and gentle smile and simply stated “Emma, in order to surrender one has to feel safe. It is impossible to truly surrender without feeling safe”. Then she asked me “Do you feel safe?” My tears answered for me and I realised deep surrender would not be mine just yet.
One can sometimes never know why such fear or loneliness or incompetence etc is felt and held in the body but being present with ourselves in the here and now gives us access to the trauma and resistant feelings, so that they can be seen and heard right now. By staying present with myself I could /can feel the fears within, including the need to control and the pain of the small voice who longs to let go and trust.