Today I made an alter for my Mum and all women who have, are and will be struggling with the chaos of domestic violence.
I call her name Lynne Margaret Hobson (nee Adcock) and I send her love and warm hugs. I feel her presence as I write this blog as well as the presence of many women including my ancestors.
I feel drawn to call out the name Margaret Adcock (nee Twigg Bell ) and I send love to her, another women, my great grandmother, whose life was short and ended at the hands of her second husband.
I wonder why I was born into an ancestry of violence–a lineage with so much ‘baggage’?
I breathe deep look at the red thread tied around my wrist and know that I am hear to heal, to use my voice, to do ‘the work’ for myself and all of my relations.
My passion and initiation into awareness, self development, higher consciousness, healing, shamanism, women’s work and walking the Goddess path, began softly with idle curiosity into palmistry, tarot, astrology and religion as a small child until one day I was ready (maybe) for the full process to begin.Like Inanna my quest for clarity and knowledge was strong.
My true initiation began on the morning of 11th May 1998 when I arrived to my Mum and Dads house to find her life taken by the hands of my Dad.
Chaos descended and I was taken to the underworld by the Dark Goddesss.
As Innana and Persephone I too was stripped of my comforts, my safety, my known, roles, relationships, status, and beliefs.
My world as I knew it was gone and I was never to be the same.
18 years later after much soul searching, bravery, tenacity, releasing and releasing and releasing, I am beginning to understand my journey and my connection to my red thread.
My pain was personal and raw and many times I cried into the night for home (a sense of peace, a place of safety, a holding and knowing) and as I allowed myself to touch the parts of myself so tender, I opened myself up to the collective pain of all women gone before and yet to come, that have felt the restrictions, oppression and violence of a patriarchal society out of control.
At times it felt and feels hard to hold and I buckle under the weight and return to the comfort of the underworld, which had become my sanctuary.
Choosing to come out into the light was just as hard as the descent if not harder, as it felt I had little choice to descend back then.
Returning from the depths to me means walking my talk, daring to be seen and heard, standing face to face with my pain and sitting with others whist they tell their own stories that hurt, whist simultaneously, being free and standing strong through the core of my being knowing that I and we are wise, strong, eternal, healed and enlightened as well as painfully vulnerable.
What Inanna discovers about herself and about life itself as she makes her descent is not implicit in the texts. However, by the time she relinquishes her final garment, she is no longer the commanding Queen. She is open, exposed, vulnerable. This knowledge, and acceptance of her vulnerability, as well as her first-hand discovery of the necessity of sacrifice and death for the cycles of life to continue, increased her power, her understanding, her beauty Inanna – Journey to The Dark Centre
Walking the Goddess path and deepening my awareness of the “cycles” of life and women, have empowered me to travel through the multi dimensional realms, the shamanic realms of Woman easier and with confidence.
Reflecting on the 23 year old maiden I was 18 years ago I am so pleased my inner wisdom has led me to the deep understanding and sacredness of menstruation, the wisdom and transformation within our rites of passage (birth, menstruation, motherhood, menopause and death), the archetypal goddess energies and the power of sitting in a women’s circle.
I feel blessed and powerfully connected to the sisters seen and not seen who have not thrived in this patriarchal world and I give thanks to those brave enough to walk side by side with their shadow, daring to look and being committed to raising the consciousness of life on this beautiful planet.
May we release our fears and use the wisdom of our bodies and nature to journey to the underworld again and again. May old ideas, visions and identities die. May myths be shattered, and may we allow ourselves to be created anew.
I give thanks for raising up like Inanna, in full awareness and love of our vulnerabilities, and the strength created from them.